On the sixtieth day.

It's been two months since I picked up and tore myself away from Philly and moved back to Lancaster.
Although terrifying at the time, I've been overwhelmed by how wonderful people have been in my return.
When I felt the gentle push to move back to Lancaster and leave the place that I had come to know as home, a huge part of me was devastated. My apartment had been my safe place when every other "home" I had known fell to pieces. I had settled my heart in the warmth and made a home for myself.
Only six months before I moved I had told myself that I'd never move back to Lancaster because it wasn't home anymore. It only felt like a friend that had betrayed me and I wasn't prepared to trust it with my heart anytime soon. I should have known that I'd have to go back to make peace with the pain and anger that it held for me.
It wasn't just what Lancaster had "done" to me, it was who I'd become in a years time and the question of how the new and messier me would fit in the old space I had occupied before in everyone eyes, including mine. I was afraid of not measuring up to even just the old me. I was afraid of being seen in all of my "ugly."

It's been a battle to remember that no man or woman's approval defines me. That my name will be spoken ill of and that it's not always my job to jump up and clear it. I'm learning what it means to live and love abundantly with no need to prove anything. In all of this I think I've actually already made peace with Lancaster... I'm as content as I can be at this point in my journey and taking one day at a time, enjoying the process. I miss my Philly home and community, but I'm at rest where I am for now.

Truly, I can't help but be incredibly full of gratitude for how my needs have been provided for...

I have a warm and wonderful home, living with hearts much like mine; beautifully broken and on the journey of discovery and truth.

I have a job that I absolutely love! I get to do things that I thoroughly enjoy every day and pay my bills doing it. My bosses treat me well and make me feel valued and cared for. My co-workers are vibrant characters who've instantly welcomed me as another misfit in the Square One family.

I have a community that quickly enveloped me, refusing to see me walk alone.

As painful as this years discoveries and truths have been, I've been blessed enough to have people who will love me through it and encourage me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I am thankful. True story.