Some say.

Some call it the spirit of homosexuality. They say it preys, perched on the back of every gay person you'll ever meet, upon the weak.

Some say it's satan's biggest and most favorite tactic for causing Christians to stumble and fall away.

Suddenly you're a 7 year old feeling like there's a demon on your back, convinced that you're under attack. Now you're wondering when darkness took residence in your soul, because you can't remember a time when you didn't feel these terrifying and loathsome feelings. You've been begging God to rescue you, to clean you, to heal you, for as long as you can remember, hoping that no one would ever have to know about the demon they all talk about so viciously. Surely, you think, you must have done something terrible to have opened yourself up to such darkness.

Wear something pretty. Lose some weight. Put some makeup on. Flirt more. Be approachable. Put the welcome mat out at your front door.

This will do it, this will bid the demon to run the other way. Find a man to save you from the evil within.

If that doesn't work..

Sorry, Jesus Christ doesn't hear your cry. Father God doesn't feel your prayers pounding on the heavens.

You must not be trying hard enough.

Sorry, the demon on your back is your fight to keep. Stay strong, don't give in, remain faithful in your loneliness, and remember, the only love you really need is Jesus. Pour yourself out for ministry and in prayer. Give your life to the secret place. That's where you will find your place. This is your call.

Forget the ache for intimacy. Put away from your mind the longing for companionship and romance. Render yourself a non-sexual being. You must.

Here is where you choose.

Salvation in suffering and isolation, or fleshly desire for a false love and a "lifestyle" in the company of evil.

The choice is yours.

And we wonder why children and grown men and women alike are killing themselves to escape the battle.

But remember, it's a choice. 

we grew. we grow.

growing up feels like finding your own two feet and falling a lot.

growing up looks ugly, sometimes, often.

growing up is disappointing people. growing up is being ok with that. 

growing up begins to feel a lot like a hamster wheel if you step back too far and study it for too long.

growing up sounds much like a rushing waterfall of voices that crowd your mind. growing up is realizing most of them are either your own voice or imagined voices. 

growing up feels like money is the best and worst thing in life and financial independence has few equals.

growing up reminds you often that you are responsible for cleaning up your own messes, heroes only exist in fiction, friends don't wear capes and have real human limits, but will reach further for you than you thought they would.

growing up sometimes means being proud of yourself even when outside voices are silent

growing up finds heartbreak often and accepts that this is where we find our humanity. growing up is biting the bullet for the truth.

growing up looks like humiliation when you realize that all that time you thought your life was normal everyone else knew it wasn't.

growing up is loving your abnormality.

growing up is losing the ones you love most to death, to life, to resignation. growing up is realizing they came from dirt just like you.

growing up is feeling the breath being pulled out of you from every direction as demands are made, expectations are raised, and adulthood is knocking evermore.

growing up is finding your balance, catching your breath, slowing down, quieting the demands, lowering the expectations to where reality can see its true face, and finding joy in the midst of it all.

growing up is hard. growing up is funny. growing up is painful. growing up is exciting. growing up is disappointing. growing up is surprising. growing up is exhausting. growing up is beautiful. growing up is forever. 

growing up is what it is. mine.